


The DUFF Plan

by my_mad_fatuation



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M, Inspired by a Movie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 07:52:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12649329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_mad_fatuation/pseuds/my_mad_fatuation
Summary: After watching the film, The DUFF, Rae concocts a plan to snag the guy of her dreams.





	The DUFF Plan

Designated Ugly Fat Friend. DUFF.

I’d never heard the expression before watching the film, but it fit me to a T. Actually, maybe I was the RUFF: the Really Ugly Fat Friend. It wasn’t just a designation based on who I was friends with at the time; it was my whole identity. I would be the DUFF no matter who was around me.

I used to find that discouraging. Even before I had a word for it, I knew I was the odd one out. I couldn’t wear the cute outfits and I’d never get the attention of the cute boys. And that was a real downer.

But the film inspired me. True, Mae Whitman is probably way more adorable than I am, but maybe—just maybe—it was possible for me to get the guy as well.

Because, you see, I had a crush on a Wesley Rush of my own: Sebastian Fuller. He was the resident “man-whore” at our school, but instead of hating him or finding him a total creep, I was in love with him. (I know, I know, get in line, right?)

I felt I had an advantage to other girls, though. I had a _personality_. I was clever and funny, and as soon as Sebastian could see that, he’d be in love with me, too. Because I would stimulate his mind in a way that his usual type of girl just couldn’t. (Though I wouldn’t mind stimulating other things, too, if you know what I mean.)

Sure, he’d have to look beneath the surface, which would require giving me more than a cursory glance, but I had a plan. I’d seen the film enough times to know how this works.

See, my crush was supposed to be someone else, if this were the film. He would be the quiet, sensitive, but still seemingly unattainable guy. And in order to win him over, I would get the obnoxious man-whore to give me a makeover or whatever and, even though we couldn’t stand each other, we’d end up falling in love.

So I was going to work the system.

***

“Hey,” I said to Sebastian at the end of Calculus one day. I always talked to him like I had some sort of disdain for him, so he wouldn’t know that I liked him. Plus, the film makes it seem as though guys like him respect the girls who are smart enough to be kind of mean to them.

“Well, if it isn’t Miss Earl,” he said with a condescending grin. “What brings you to this neck of the woods? Here to chastise me for my poor life choices again?”

“No, actually, I have a proposition for you,” I replied.

His eyes scanned me up and down for a second before he swung his bag onto his shoulder. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m busy today, so maybe another time—”

“That’s not what I was going to propose, you moron.”

His smirk never faded. “All right, go on.”

“Well, see, there’s this guy I like,” I began.

“Whoa, whoa, hold the phone, Rae,” he said, grabbing my shoulders. “You mean you’re not a nun?”

“Ha ha,” I said sarcastically. “But seriously, I like this guy, but I don’t know how to get his attention. And I was wondering if you would help me. In exchange, I’ll help you with Calculus, if you want.”

“I’m actually acing Calculus, but thanks,” he boasted as we walked down the corridor towards his locker—which was nowhere near my locker.

“Oh, well—”

“Why do you want my help, anyway? Why not ask Chloe or Izzy.”

“Er, because you know what guys like, being a guy and all,” I said.

“I think Chloe has a pretty good idea what guys like…”

“Fine, you know what, it was stupid of me to ask, so—”

“Hold on, I didn’t say that I won’t do it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said. “But you’ll owe me one, yeah?”

“Like what?”

“I haven’t decided yet, but I’ll cash in a favour at some point.”

“As long as it’s not anything sexual,” I said, though secretly I hoped it would be.

“I make no promises,” he joked. “Okay, so, who’s the target here?”

“What?”

“The guy you like. Who is it?”

“Oh, er…” I looked around desperately in hopes of finding someone who could seem like a plausible crush. Someone quiet and sensitive and unattainable…

“Ten o’clock,” I said, motioning with my head towards the first guy I saw who fit the bill. He was in my English class, so I knew he was fairly quiet, but also he was incredibly good-looking. Like, he could have been serious competition for Sebastian, were he similarly inclined to be a man-whore. But he did not have that reputation.

“Finn Nelson?” Sebastian asked.

“Shh! Don’t say his name so loud!”

“What name? Fi—”

I clamped my hand over his mouth to keep him from repeating Finn’s name even louder. Sebastian pushed my hand away and laughed.

“Your hand is freakishly warm, Rae,” he said to me.

“Just keep walking and don’t make eye contact with him,” I said, pushing him forwards until we were past Finn.

“Okay, so,” Sebastian said once we reached his locker, “you want my help to get his attention, is that right?”

“Yes.”

“And what do I have to do?”

“I dunno,” I said. “Help me shop for new clothes, give me advice, just tell me what guys like.”

“Ugh, shopping?” he groaned.

“Well, I’m not going to get his attention looking like this, am I?” I asked, gesturing towards my outfit.

He scanned me again and said, “I guess you’re right.”

I rolled my eyes. He could have at least pretended to give me a compliment.

“How about Saturday afternoon?” he suggested. “Meet at the shopping centre around two, near the food court?”

“Oh, yes, Saturday, perfect,” I said, a little surprised that he was actually going along with this. “See you then—er, I’ll see you before then, because we have Calculus tomorrow, but you know what I mean.”

“See ya, Rae.”

I walked back in the direction from which we came in order to get to my locker, passing Finn again on the way. I sort of watched him as I approached, thinking how I’d probably made a good choice, given the pressure I was under to pick someone at the drop of a hat. But then he noticed me watching him and I had to look away quickly.

Wouldn’t want him thinking I actually fancied him or anything.

***

As I approached the food court, I froze when I saw Sebastian standing by the escalators. He wasn’t alone. He was talking to some girl I didn’t recognize, and I just hoped that she wasn’t going to be tagging along on our date. Not that this was a _date_ , but you know what I mean.

I continued towards them hesitantly, wondering if I should just turn around and leave, when Sebastian looked up and saw me. He nodded his head in recognition and then turned to the girl again. He must have told her to piss off—probably in a nicer way that that—because she left before I even reached him.

“Who was that?” I asked, trying to sound light and casual and not prying.

He shrugged. “Don’t remember her name,” he said.

“Ah, a real soul mate, then,” I teased.

“You can expect a wedding e-vite any day now.”

I laughed a little. “So…” I added once my awkward laughter had died down. “Where to first?”

“Anywhere that sells jeans that actually fit right,” he said. “None of this oversized, baggy, saggy nonsense. If you want this Finn guy to notice ya, then he’s got to know that you have an ass, all right?”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m just saying, when you dress like a sack of potatoes, you look like a sack of potatoes. I can’t tell what’s going on under there.” He grabbed the excess material of my t-shirt and started to pull it tight.

“Hey!” I said, yanking my shirt back.

“Sweet Jesus, Rae. You’ve got tits! Who’d have known?”

I hoped I wasn’t turning red on the spot. “That’s very funny,” I said. “Let’s just get a move on, shall we?”

***

Shopping for clothes was one of my least favourite activities, so I don’t know why I thought shopping _with_ Sebastian would somehow make it more bearable. Everything I picked up to try on, he would grimace at, and when I asked him to pick something out, he just shrugged.

“Honestly, I don’t particularly care about a girl’s clothing,” he said. “I care more about what’s underneath.”

“Gross,” I said as he smirked.

I did end up finding a pair of “skinny” jeans that actually fit me, and a couple of shirts that weren’t tents on me, which he didn’t find too objectionable. So it was an overall success of an outing. He even made me wear the new clothes out of the store.

Just as we were leaving, Sebastian yanked on my arm to make me turn and look where he was pointing. A few storefronts down was Finn, walking with a couple of girls from our school. I didn’t particularly care, but I still had to pretend to be jealous, for appearances.

I looked away quickly and marched off in the other direction, like I was angry.

“Rae,” Sebastian said as he caught up to me. “If it helps, I don’t think he’s dating either of them. I mean, I don’t know the guy very well, but he seems like the type who has a lot of female friends who are just friends, you know?”

“As opposed to your female friends, who are all _friends with benefits_ ,” I said, rolling my eyes again.

“Except you,” he said.

“I’m not your friend.”

He clamped his hand over his chest overdramatically. “That hurts me, Rae. I thought we were BFFs.”

“You’re hilarious.”

“You know, Rae, you can be a bit abrasive sometimes,” he added in a more serious tone. “Maybe you need to practice your flirting.”

“Er, I think I’m fine,” I said.

“Come on,” he said, holding my arm again to keep me from walking away. “Pretend I’m Finn and try flirting with me.”

I could feel my face getting warmer. “I don’t want to do that,” I said.

“Rae, you asked me to help you, remember? This is part of the process.”

“I… I don’t know… how to flirt,” I admitted, lowering my head.

“What a shocker,” he said.

I looked up to glare at him and he laughed.

“Okay, okay, what if I start, hm?” he added. He cleared his throat, pulled some of his hair down onto his forehead, like Finn’s, and continued. “Hey, Rae, how’s it going?”

“Finn wouldn’t be as smarmy as that,” I told him, trying not to laugh at his impression.

“You don’t know that,” he said. “He could be a bigger creep than I am.”

“That’s impossible.”

“Oh, Rae, stop flattering me, or I might end up falling in love with you.”

“Hah!” I replied, too loudly. It sounded like I was honking. I could see him trying to contain his laughter.

“Ugh, you know what, forget this whole thing,” I said as I started to turn around.

“Wait, wait, Rae,” he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. “Just ask me out, all right?”

“What?”

“Pretend I’m Finn and ask me out.”

I sighed and folded my arms. “Fine,” I said. “Finn? Would you like to go out with me some time?”

Sebastian made a noise like a “wrong answer” buzzer on a game show. He shook his head. “Not a good start, my friend.”

“Why not?”

“You left it way too open-ended,” he said. “And your posture, your attitude, it’s all wrong.”

I dropped my arms. “Better?”

“Yes, but stop slouching,” he said. “And when you ask him out, don’t ask him. Tell him that you’re going out. And pick a specific time, so he can’t weasel his way out with ‘some time.’”

“Oh…” It was weird that that all made sense to me.

“Okay, so, like,” I added, standing up straighter. “Hey, Finn. We should go out. Friday night. Six o’clock.”

“Better,” he said, nodding. “But six o’clock? Are you seventy?”

“What?”

“Six o’clock is not a sexy time, Rae. You’ve gotta wait until at least seven or eight, and only if you want to seem like a good girl,” he explained. “Ten or eleven if you just want to hook up.”

“That’s not what I want,” I said.

“Fine. Then say seven-thirty.”

“Okay… But what happens when he says no?”

“Why do you think he’d say no?”

“First of all, I don’t think I’ve ever spoken to him before,” I said. “And second…” I looked down at myself.

“One, if I were him I wouldn’t give a shit,” he said, “and B, you’re wearing clothes that show that you look like a woman and not a sack of potatoes.”

“Would you stop calling me a sack of potatoes?”

“My point is that you aren’t, all right? You just need to let him know that.”

“All right, fine…”

“Hey, hey,” he added, poking me in the arm a couple of times. “He’s by himself on that bench over there. You should go talk to him.”

“What? I’m not—”

“You know what to do. Just ask him out,” he said. “But don’t ask him. Tell him.”

“I can’t—”

“You can, Rae. And I’ll be right over here for moral support, yeah?”

I inhaled deeply to steel myself before heading over to Finn’s bench. Oh, god, what was I doing? Was I seriously going to try asking him out? But I didn’t want to go out with Finn. I mean, nothing against him, but he wasn’t the one I wanted.

Then it hit me; I _had_ to go out with Finn in order to make Sebastian jealous and realize how much he liked me. This had to become part of the plan.

“Er, hi,” I said to Finn as I stood in front of him.

He looked up at me, confused. “Hi…?” he said.

“Can I sit here?” I asked.

“Oh, er, yeah, sure,” he said as he scooted over to make more room for me on the bench next to him. “You’re in my English class, right?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I’m Rae.”

“Right. I’m Finn.”

“I know.” I smiled in what I hoped was a flirtatious way, but was probably just creepy. “I, er, was just wondering…”

_Don’t ask him; tell him._

“You and I should go out,” I blurted suddenly.

“What?”

“Friday night. Seven-thirty. You and me. On a date, or whatever.” I wanted to hide my face in my hands. This might have been the most embarrassing thing I’d ever done. “You know what, never—”

“Okay.”

“What?”

“I mean, I’m not busy then, so…” he said.

“Oh, er, great, yeah,” I said. I struggled to get my phone out of the pocket of my now tight-fitting jeans and asked for his number so I could text him with the details later.

“All right, well, I’ll see you then,” I added once his number was securely stowed away in my contact list.

I got up and returned to Sebastian, giving him a thumbs up on my way over.

“See? I told you he wouldn’t say no,” he said when I reached him.

“He might’ve,” I said. “And then what would you have done?”

“I’d have felt sorry for ya, Rae,” he said. “So sorry for ya that I might have gone on that date with ya instead.”

All of a sudden I had the feeling like I’d just made a huge mistake.

“Relax, I’m kidding,” he added. “I know that would just make things worse for ya.”

“Heh,” I said awkwardly. “Right.”

“Well, I’d better get going. Good luck on your date.”

“Wait,” I said as I reached for his arm this time. (And boy, was it nice.) “You have to help me prepare!”

“I have to what?”

“I’ve never done this before! I don’t know what to do on a date.”

He looked slightly amused. “You’ve never…?”

“Does that surprise you, really?”

“Ehh… I guess not,” he said. “Okay, well, I have plans this evening, so how about after school on Tuesday.”

“How about what after school on Tuesday?”

“I teach you how to go on a date.”

***

“Ready?” Sebastian asked me at the end of Calculus on Tuesday.

“Yeah, I just need to stop at my locker for a second,” I said as we headed out of the classroom. We turned the opposite direction as we usually would.

“Wait, your locker is this way?” he said. “Then why do you always walk the other way with me?”

“Er, ‘cos usually I don’t have to go to my locker, that’s why,” I said quickly.

“Oh.”

We stopped at my locker so I could exchange some things in my bag, and then went by his so he could do the same before heading out to the school parking lot.

I could not tell you what kind of car he drove, just that it was shiny. If I were the type of girl who cared about cars, this would be the kind of car that would make me want to go out with him. But I didn’t care about cars, so I just wanted to go out with him because of him.

“Where’re we going?” I asked when I got myself buckled into the passenger seat.

“McDonalds,” he said.

“Mc… what?”

“I could murder a Big Mac right now.”

I still could hardly believe it when we pulled up to those golden arches. My practice date with Sebastian was going to be at McDonalds?

I tried to remember everything I could from the film, like where to sit on a date. A booth, we needed a curved booth. Luckily, it was one of those McDonalds that had been revamped since the nineties, so there was a curved booth in front of a fake fireplace in the middle of the restaurant. It made no sense to me, but I was grateful for it.

The lighting was a bit harsh, but there was nothing I could really do about that. At least the booth we were in was fairly secluded from the rest of the space—not that I particularly wanted to make out in a McDonalds, but I was going to take whatever I could get.

“So,” he said as he chewed on a mouthful of Big Mac. “What’s your end goal here?”

“What do you mean?”

“With Finn. You want him to sleep with you, right?”

I looked around to make sure no one could overhear our conversation. “Not just that!” I said. “I want him to like me. You know, as much as I like him.”

“And how much do you like him?”

I sighed wistfully as I thought about Sebastian’s dazzling eyes whilst simultaneously trying not to look at them. “A lot,” I said.

“That… is going to be tricky…” he said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I wasn’t sure if I should be offended or not.

“I just mean, I don’t know what he likes in a girl,” he added quickly, like he could tell I was taking it the wrong way. “I can only tell you what I would want, if I actually wanted to be in a relationship, which I don’t.”

“Okay…” I was poised to take notes in my head.

“I’d want a girl who was easy-going, and funny but not too funny—”

“Wait, what’s too funny?” I asked.

“Well, I wouldn’t want her thinking she was funnier than me, right?” he said. “I want her to still laugh at my jokes. That’s maybe more important.”

“I see… Go on.”

“She should be smart but not too smart—nobody likes a know-it-all—and it would be nice if she were, you know, a well-rounded person.” He held his hands out in front of his chest so that I would know exactly what he meant.

“You’re a pig,” I told him.

“Oh, yeah, and if she calls me names, even better,” he joked.

“Slime weasel.”

“Rae, stop, you’re giving me a hard-on.”

“Ugh!” I turned my face away from him in disgust, but really it was to hide the fact that I was blushing.

And that was when I spotted him. Finn. Standing in line to order food, with one of those two girls from the mall. Even though I wasn’t actually interested in him, I couldn’t let him see me with Sebastian or he’d want to cancel our date, and I’d never make Sebastian jealous.

I quickly turned back towards Sebastian, and held up my hand to block my face from Finn.

“What’s going on?” Sebastian asked, looking amused.

“Finn is over there,” I said in a loud whisper. “He can’t see us here together or he’ll think—”

“Okay, okay,” said Sebastian, slouching down in his seat. He pushed my shoulder down to get me to slouch as well, until we were sort of leaning towards each other in the middle.

“Do we have to stay like this the whole time?” I asked.

“Why, is this too _intimate_ for you?” he teased.

“Oh, yes,” I said sarcastically. “I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to resist you.”

“Look,” he added, starting to wrap up his half-eaten burger. “I’m going to get up and head to my car. You come out in five minutes and meet me there, so we won’t be seen leaving together, all right?”

“Erm, yeah, okay,” I said, even though I just wanted to stay here with him forever.

He took his food and left, and I sat and waited, like he’d told me to, for five minutes before getting up as well. I was nearly at the door when I heard my name and stopped.

I turned back around and saw Finn walking up to me. “Hi, Finn,” I said as casually as I could.

“Hiya,” he said. “Didn’t expect to see you at a place like this.”

“Why’s that?” Again, I wasn’t sure if I should be insulted or not.

“I just, I figured you would think McDonalds was beneath ya,” he said, looking like he was worried he had offended me. He wasn’t completely wrong, though.

“I don’t come very often,” I admitted. “Just some days I could really… murder a Big Mac, you know?”

He laughed awkwardly. “Look,” he added, “I just wanted to come and tell ya, if you saw me over there with…” He pointed with his thumb back over his shoulder at the girl he was with. “She’s just a friend, I swear.”

“It’s all right, Finn,” I said. “I asked you on a date, not to get married.”

“Still, I don’t want you thinking of me as the kind of guy who has a different date every day of the week.”

A guy like Sebastian.

“Heh, okay, but it’s fine either way. I’m still looking forward to Friday,” I said.

He smiled. “Me, too.”

“See you, then.” I waved goodbye and continued on my way out.

Sebastian was waiting with the car running when I got there. “What took so long?” he asked.

“Oh, I just got talking to Finn for a minute,” I said.

“Did he know I was with you?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Good,” he said. “I would hate to ruin your first ever date before it even began.”

 _This_ , I thought, was my first ever date.

He drove me to my house and pulled up into the driveway. My mum’s car wasn’t there yet so she must have still been at work. I sort of wondered what the neighbours would think of his shiny vehicle parked in my driveway.

“Okay, well, thanks for everything,” I said as I unbuckled my seatbelt.

“Whoa, whoa,” he said, putting his hand on my arm for a second to stop me from leaving. “You’ve got to linger a bit longer than that.”

“What?”

“How’s the guy supposed to kiss you goodnight if you go rushing off like that?”

“I didn’t realize this was still part of the lesson.”

“It is. Now, do something to make me want to kiss you,” he said, unfastening his seatbelt as well.

“I—I don’t know how to do that!”

“Come on, think, Rae. You can do this.”

I honestly had no idea how to get someone to kiss me, considering I never had before. So, hesitantly, I placed my hand on his, which was sitting on my armrest.

“Eh, not bad,” he said. “It’s a little tame, though.”

Unable to come up with anything better to do, I gently squeezed his hand and started brushing my thumb against it. If nothing else, this was thrilling for me.

“Okay, now look at me,” he said.

I did, but it was hard to maintain eye contact when he was staring at me like that.

“Lean closer,” he continued. “Lean closer and look at my mouth.”

“What?”

“If you’re looking at my mouth, then I know you want me to kiss you.”

I looked at his mouth, which was easier than looking at his eyes anyway, as I leaned closer. His lips were beautiful, to be honest. His cupid’s bow came to an adorable point in the middle and his bottom lip was a little pouty, but not obnoxiously so.

“What now?” I asked as I stared at his perfect mouth, the one I just wanted all over me.

The corner of it lifted into a tiny smirk. “Congratulations, Rae,” he said. “You’ve made me want to kiss ya.”

And then he did.

And it was nothing like I imagined it would be.

It felt like he was fighting his way into my mouth with his tongue, and it took me a minute to realize I had to unclench my jaw for it to become pleasant.

This was happening, the moment I’d been waiting for. And I didn’t want it to end. But we couldn’t just sit in his car like this all afternoon.

“Should…” I began when I managed to break free from his lips. “Should we maybe take this inside?”

He looked confused for a second, and then his smirk returned. “You learn fast,” he said, sitting back against his seat. “But I wouldn’t say that on the first date, if you want him to really like you. It might give him the wrong impression.”

I didn’t realize what he was talking about at first until it hit me that he thought this was still me practicing for Finn. That kiss wasn’t real. He didn’t actually want me; he was a pretend version of Finn who did.

“Good note,” I said, trying to hide my disappointment.

“Anyway,” he added as he buckled in again. “I think you’ll manage fine. Best of luck to you in all your endeavours, Rae, and I’ll see you around.”

“Right,” I said, opening the passenger door. “See you.”

***

By the time Friday rolled around, I realized that I had no idea what to do on my “date” with Finn. I couldn’t follow Sebastian’s advice for real—I didn’t actually want Finn to fall for me, I just wanted to make Sebastian jealous.

But I was going to do the opposite of what he’d told me to do. I was going to dress like a sack of potatoes. I was going to be opinionated and too funny and too smart—basically just myself. There was no way any guy was falling for _that_.

I had texted Finn my address, so he picked me up at my house at seven thirty-two in the evening.

“Where would you like to go?” he asked as I got into his car. (Which was not as shiny as Sebastian’s.)

If he were Sebastian, I would have said, “Wherever you want to go,” but that would be too easy-going. So instead I said, “Wagamama.”

“Wagamama?” he asked. “Isn’t the closest one in Peterborough?”

“Yes.” I waited for him to argue, to complain. Instead he just started up the car.

“Okay,” he said as he pulled away from my house.

“You—You don’t mind?” I asked.

“It doesn’t bother me, if that’s where you want to go.”

“It is,” I said stubbornly, but he just glanced at me and smiled.

I asked if I could turn the radio on and then proceeded to berate everything that played. I was trying to show him that I was a music snob, and also make him laugh so he’d think I was _too funny_. And it was working. He laughed a lot.

It took about half an hour to get to the restaurant, and we had to wait another fifteen minutes for a table. But he didn’t seem to mind.

Normally I felt self-conscious about eating in front of people—I didn’t think I ever would eat in front of Sebastian, no matter how much he fell in love with me—but I wasn’t trying to impress anyone on this date, so I dug into my ramen like nobody’s business.

“Can I ask you something?” Finn said on the drive back to my house.

“I s’pose,” I said with a shrug.

“What made you decide to ask me out when I saw you at the mall last weekend?”

“Oh, er, well…”

“I mean, I thought I saw you there with that guy, Sebastian, but then you approached me and I just wondered… Why?”

“Errr…”

“Look, I mean, it’s okay if you are dating him, too,” he said. “Like you said, we’re not getting married. I’d just, I’d like to know the truth.”

“The truth,” I began, “is that he and I are just friends. Not even friends.”

“Oh, okay.” Finn looked a little relieved.

 _Why should he care?_ I wondered. He wasn’t supposed to like me, anyway.

“And I asked you out,” I added, “because I wanted to get to know you better.” Not entirely true, but he didn’t need to know that.

“I’m glad you did,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“I mean, I’ve sort of had my eye on you for a while now.”

“Oh, well, that’s… good to know,” I said, though I was quite surprised and a little worried. If he’d had his eye on me for a while, that meant he didn’t care if I looked like a sack of potatoes. He liked me anyway.

I was quiet for the rest of the way home, until he pulled up into my driveway. (My mum was working the night shift, so her car wasn’t there, again.)

“Thank you,” I said to him. “I had a great time tonight.”

“Me, too,” he replied. “We should do something again some time.”

 _Some time_. “Yeah, sure.”

I opened my seatbelt and grabbed the handle to open the door, but it was stuck. I tried a couple of times and it wouldn’t budge.

“Oh, sorry,” he said, opening his seatbelt, too. “Sometimes the lock gets stuck. You kind of have to jiggle it—Here.” He reached across me to fiddle with the lock until I heard a click.

By this point, however, I realized how close he was, and I couldn’t help but stare at his face, so proximate to mine. My eyes landed on his lips, all soft curves rather than harsh points.

 _Oh no_ , I thought. I was looking at his mouth. That was going to make him think that I wanted him to kiss me.

The thing was, maybe I did.

I was curious about his soft-looking lips, and how they compared to Sebastian’s angular-yet-pouty ones. I did not have to remain curious for long, though…

He kissed me, and it was nothing like kissing Sebastian. It was somehow soft and firm at the same time, and he only used his tongue ever so slightly. Just enough to make me want more.

When I breathed in through my nose, I would get a whiff of his face, which smelled like… well, _boy_ , but in the best possible way. Sebastian just smelled like cologne all the time, but Finn’s aroma sent a message to my brain saying, “you should have sex with this person now.”

Of course, I knew this was just a biological thing. It wasn’t that I _fancied_ him or anything like that. Which, I think, made what I was about to do a whole lot easier.

“Do you want to come inside for a bit?” I asked him.

He looked a little shocked. “O—Okay,” he said, sinking back over to the driver side of the vehicle.

We both got out of the car and walked up to my front door, where I fished my keys out of my oversized jeans’ pocket and unlocked it.

“Is anyone home?” he asked as he stepped inside cautiously.

“My mum’s at work and my step-dad is out of the country visiting family for the week,” I explained.

He nodded and looked around a bit.

“So, um…” I said awkwardly. I didn’t know how to do this. And then I realized that it didn’t matter.

“Do you want to see my bedroom?” I asked in a way that was not at all seductive or mysterious or alluring.

“Sure…”

I grabbed his hand and pulled him up the stairs to my room, slamming the door shut behind us, even though no one else was around.

“I like your posters,” he said, standing in the middle of the room and staring at the walls.

“Shut up,” I said as I rushed over to him, seizing the placket of his shirt in my hand and pulling him in for another kiss.

I inhaled deeply to take it all in. His scent did things to me. Physically. I turned into this lust-fueled animal, trying to devour him.

At least it didn’t seem like I was the only one. I opened his top two buttons before he let go of my sides and pulled his shirt off right over his head, to save time. I barely got a chance to get a good look at him when he started lifting the hem of my potato sack t-shirt.

With both of our shirts on the floor, it suddenly hit me. This was happening.

I’d always thought I would be scared if I ever got this far with someone. But I wasn’t worried about impressing him or being attractive or anything; all I cared about was chasing the feeling I got when I kissed him. The feeling that made me believe there was more, and I wanted it.

As I continued kissing him, I edged us towards the bed, and we lowered ourselves onto it. He held himself up with his arms at either side so that we were only making physical contact at our mouths. But that wasn’t what I wanted.

I put my arms around his muscular back and pulled him closer, and he landed on top of me gracelessly. I didn’t care how clumsy we were. All that mattered in that moment was his completely unsubtle boner pressing against me through his jeans. It made me feel desired. It made me feel wanted. It made me feel sexy.

“Rae,” he said, lifting his face away from mine slightly.

“What?” I said before kissing his jawline.

“I don’t know if we can do this…”

I stopped and looked at him. “Why?” I asked, thinking I’d done something horribly wrong.

“Well, it’s just, I don’t have any…”

It took me a second to realize what he was talking about. “Really?” I asked.

“It’s not like I was expecting this to happen,” he said. “Were you?”

“No, but… I thought guys just carried them around everywhere.” I knew Sebastian did.

“I don’t,” said Finn.

“Oh.” I didn’t even bother trying to hide my disappointment.

He rolled onto his side next to me. “I mean, if you want I could still…” he said as he started to unzip my jeans.

I wasn’t sure what he was talking about until he slipped his hand inside my pants.

So he fingered me, and I jerked him off, and he fingered me again, and then he went home. It was quite a pleasant evening, overall.

And I felt confident knowing that there was no way he could respect me enough to still like me after that.

Confident, and a little sad.

***

“How’d your big date go?” Sebastian asked me on Monday.

“Oh, er, great,” I said to him. I was a little confused, because normally I came up to him at the end of class, not the other way around.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I took your advice,”—sort of—“and I think he might actually like me.”

He raised his eyebrows like this news was surprising. “Really?”

“You don’t have to be so shocked about it,” I said.

“I’m not shocked, exactly,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “I mean, I’m happy for you, I guess. If that’s really what you want.”

“Why wouldn’t it be what I want?”

“I dunno… I was just wondering if maybe you’d rather go out with someone who you can be yourself with.”

“Like who?” I scoffed. I chose not to mention that Finn seemed to like me when I was being myself anyway.

“Like, I dunno, me, maybe?” He wasn’t standing with his usual arrogant posture. It was a little unsettling.

“What?”

“I thought—I thought maybe… you liked me,” he said.

“Again, what?” I felt my face getting red; he was so close to the truth.

“I thought maybe you pretended to hate me and get me to help you date another guy so that you could get close to me because you liked me.”

“Why would you think something like that?”

“Because… Because I wanted it to be true, Rae.” He looked at me almost angrily, and I felt sort of bad for lying to him all this time.

He walked away quickly and I hurried to pack up my things and chase after him down the corridor.

“Wait, Sebastian,” I said, grabbing his sleeve to slow him down. “It is true.”

“Why do it, Rae?” he asked when he turned to look at me. “Why not just tell me the truth in the first place?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” I replied, trying not to cry. “Why would the sexy, womanizing playboy ever fall for the sack of potatoes without some sort of trickery involved?”

“Stop calling yourself a sack of potatoes,” he said.

“You’re the one who called me that!”

“I meant it as a joke.”

“So, what, then? You wanted me to like you, to what end? Just so you could prove that all girls want you?” I said. “Congratulations.”

“Rae,” he said, reaching out for my arm this time. “I’m picking you up tonight at eight.”

“What?”

“We’re going out. On a date.”

“But… But it’s a school night,” was the first thing I could think to say.

“Fine, seven o’clock.” He smiled at me with his signature arrogance back. “See you then.”

***

Sebastian took me to some superhero film that I didn’t give a crap about, but I didn’t complain because I knew he liked girls who were easy-going. I also tried not to crack too many jokes or share too many factoids. I was on a date with him, yes, but that was still a far cry from him falling in love with me.

Of course, with my luck, Finn was also at the cinema, and we nearly bumped right into him and his friend when we were leaving.

“Rae,” he said, looking a little surprised to see me. “I’m not—This isn’t a date, just so you know,” he added, nudging his friend—the other girl from the mall—with his elbow. She laughed, as if the thought of them dating was hilarious.

“Yeah,” said Sebastian, putting his arm around my shoulder, “well, this is.”

I wished I could vanish into thin air. The last thing I wanted to do was to hurt Finn. He had been nothing but kind to me. I would have preferred to see him here on a date, honestly.

“Right…” Finn said slowly. “You—You know Rae and I went out on Friday, don’t you?” He said it like he was trying to one-up Sebastian.

“Yeah, I know.” Sebastian smirked at him.

“She told you that, did she?” said Finn. “Did she also tell you how I—”

“Finn!” I snapped, clamping my hand over his when he started to raise it with two fingers in the air.

“What?” he said. “I just thought your boyfriend should know what you get up to with other guys on his night off.”

“I’m not her boyfriend, mate,” said Sebastian, laying a hand on Finn’s shoulder. “I don’t give a shit what she did with you.”

While I was relieved that he wasn’t angry, it was a bit of a sting to hear him say it.

Finn shoved Sebastian’s hand away and turned to leave. “See ya later, Rae,” he said, in a way that suggested he’d rather not.

“Prick,” Sebastian muttered under his breath once Finn was out of earshot. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

***

“So…” Sebastian said when we were making out in the front of his car as he was parked in front of my house. “Are you going to invite me inside?”

It was clear that no one else was home, as there was no car in the driveway. Still, I hesitated.

“I thought you said I shouldn’t do that on the first date,” I pointed out.

“Yeah, but this isn’t exactly our first date, is it?” he said. “Not really.”

“I dunno…”

“So you’ll do stuff with him but not me?” he asked accusatorially. “You don’t even like him!”

“That’s why I could do it!” I said. “Because it didn’t matter if he lost respect for me.”

“I’m—I’m not gonna lose respect for you, Rae,” he said. “Whatever you want to do is fine. But, remember, you still owe me one,” he teased. He leaned towards me again and kissed me, this time much gentler, like he was trying to prove that he was a Good Guy.

The smell of his cologne messed with my senses in a way such that I didn’t know what I wanted anymore.

“Yeah, all right,” I said. “Come inside.”

I led him up to my room without another word and we sat down on the bed, a foot apart from each other.

“Rae, if this is too—”

“Stop,” I said. “Take your shirt off.”

He looked stunned and vaguely delighted by this command, and did so quickly. I, however, was a little surprised that his chest and abdomen were not as well defined as Finn’s. Not that that mattered. He was still the sexiest guy I’d ever met.

Probably.

I mean, Finn was also good-looking, plus he was fun to talk to, for the most part, and then there was kissing him… That had to be an illegal drug; I could swear it.

Kissing Sebastian wasn’t bad, though. It just took a little acclimatization. But once I got into the rhythm of his motions it wasn’t unpleasant.

He was no Finn, though…

My mind had wandered so far that I didn’t even notice that Sebastian had helped me take my shirt off as well, and was now pushing me down onto the bed so he could climb on top of me.

I could feel his boner pressing against me, as well. Only it didn’t make me feel desired, at least not in the same way. It made me feel like maybe this was his superpower; that he could get it up for any girl, even me. That he wasn’t turned on by his attraction to me but rather his attraction to getting off.

Maybe that was the same with all guys. But Finn at least made me feel that he wanted me. And that feeling made me want him, too, more than I wanted Sebastian right now.

This was all wrong, all these thoughts in my head. Why was I thinking about Finn when I was here, about to have sex with the guy I’d been dreaming about since the first time I saw him? Was I just a glutton for punishment (among other things)?

“What’s wrong?” Sebastian asked, finally noticing that I was a bit zoned out.

“Oh, er, nothing,” I said. “I’m fine.”

He eyed me questioningly, but didn’t press the issue further as he continued to kiss me, his pelvis grinding against mine.

He was much more aggressive than Finn, I thought—Oh, there I went, thinking about Finn again.

Honestly, thinking about Finn wouldn’t have been so bad if all I was thinking about were his soft lips and his exhilarating scent and his magical fingers… It might have even helped me get turned on. But I wasn’t. I was thinking about the look of disappointment on his face when Sebastian said we were on a date. I was thinking about how crushed he seemed by it, and how I hated doing that to him.

“Rae,” said Sebastian when he stopped again. “You’re miles away, Rae. What is it?”

“I… I don’t think I feel up to this right now,” I said.

He looked a little put out as he crawled off of me.

“Sorry,” I added.

“S’fine,” he said without looking at me as he put his shirt back on.

“Another time, yeah?”

He tugged the hem of his shirt to make it lie flat. “Maybe,” he said.

I sat up and leaned over to kiss him, but he pulled away almost immediately. “Are you seriously mad at me for not having sex with you?” I asked.

“I’m not angry because you won’t have sex with me, Rae,” he said, glaring at me. “I’m angry because you won’t have sex with me but you’ll do it with that—That little weasel.”

“You mean Finn?”

“Of course I mean Finn, or have you been screwing a lot of guys recently?”

“First of all, I didn’t _have sex_ with him, exactly,” I said. “And second, if you were interested in me, then maybe you should have said something.”

“That’s because I wasn’t!” He was almost shouting.

“What?”

“I wasn’t into ya until you started showing an interest in him, and then I guess I felt competitive,” he said. “Like when a girl passes you up for another guy, that’s bad enough, but when it’s a girl like you, it’s even worse.”

“A girl like me?”

“Well, they aren’t exactly lining up around the block, are they?”

“Oh my god,” I said slowly. “Were you trying to pity fuck me?”

“That’s not what I meant, I just—”

“You thought that every girl must be in love with you, even me?”

“Well, you are, aren’t you?”

“Correction: I _was_ ,” I said. “But you’re a creep and I want you to stay the hell away from me.”

“Rae, be serious.”

“I am.”

“Fine,” he said as he stood up. “But if you think Finn wasn’t pity fucking you, too, then you have a lot to learn about guys.”

“Fuck off!”

I waited until I heard the front door shut and his car pull away, then I curled up in my bed and cried myself to sleep.

***

“Thanks for agreeing to meet with me,” I said as Finn took a seat across from me at the chippy.

“Yeah, whatever,” he grumbled, looking down at the table.

“I wanted to apologize for—For everything,” I said. “I’m going to be honest; I used you. I used you to try and make Sebastian jealous, which sort of worked, I guess, but it also completely backfired.

“You see, he wasn’t jealous because he liked me,” I continued. “He was jealous because I didn’t like him. I mean, I thought I did, but I didn’t. I liked the idea of him.

“And then you… You were just the person I happened to spot first in the hallway, and you became my unwitting target—which, again, I’m so sorry about.

“But then something happened,” I went on, though I was also staring at the table. “I went out with you and got to know you a little bit, and I liked you. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it was true. I liked you.

“And kissing ya… Boy, that is something else. I’d never felt like that in my life. And I thought it was just a physical thing—just biology or whatever—but I didn’t feel like that kissing him. All the time I was with him—which, by the way, was not very long because we didn’t do anything—I was thinking of you.

“So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that, A, I’m really sorry about what I did, and B, I really like you and I just wish that I could have found that out before any of this happened.”

He didn’t respond for several seconds. “Okay,” he finally said.

“Okay…?”

“Okay, I forgive you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Because I really like you, too, and I wish I had told you before any of this happened.”

“So, where does that leave us?”

“I dunno… Maybe we could start over?”

“I’d like that.”

“So, do you—Do you want to go out with me some time?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No,” I said. “I want to go out with you right now.”


End file.
